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The science: mate-choice copying
In many species, females choose mates partly on visible health signals. In some fish, brighter colors signal better genes. But when two males look about the same, something interesting happens: females tend to choose the male other females are already choosing. Biologists call this mate-choice copying. Lee Dugatkin's well-known studies on guppies in the early 1990s are a classic example, and later research has found similar effects in humans.
Copying makes sense as a shortcut. Judging someone's true value takes time. Seeing that other women already like him is a quick cue that he's probably worth a look. Tao of Badass creator Josh Pellicer puts it simply: we're all thinking a bit like fish.
Why pre-selection beats money, muscles and looks
Money, muscle and looks are all signals a woman has to evaluate herself. Pre-selection arrives already vouched for by other women. That's why an ordinary-looking guy laughing with two women at a party can get more attention than the best-looking man in the room standing alone.
What pre-selection looks like in real life
- Arriving with, or being greeted warmly by, female friends
- Women in your social circle who talk about you positively
- Being relaxed rather than starstruck around attractive women
- Not rushing: your pace says you aren't desperate
- Mentioning a full social life naturally, without bragging
A woman can't know how many women like you. She's guessing from cues. That's good news: the cues are mostly behavior, and behavior can be learned.
How to build pre-selection honestly
- Make women friends. Real platonic friendships make you comfortable around women, and they're visible social proof.
- Go out socially, not hunting. Spend time in groups where you're having fun, not scanning for targets.
- Use propinquity. Be a familiar, friendly face in places you go repeatedly. See the propinquity effect.
- Carry yourself like you're already chosen. Calm, open, unhurried body language.
- Stop over-investing early. Over-texting, over-complimenting and over-paying all signal scarcity.
Mistakes that kill pre-selection
- Bragging about other women. It reads as insecurity, the opposite of the signal you want.
- Trying to make her jealous. Games like this backfire and damage trust.
- Faking it with props. Real social life beats any trick.
Frequently asked questions
What is pre-selection in dating?
Pre-selection is the tendency for women to find a man more attractive when they see evidence that other women already like or have chosen him. It works as social proof that he's worth her attention.
Is pre-selection backed by science?
Yes, in a general sense. Researchers call it mate-choice copying. It has been documented in several animal species, including guppies, and experiments with people have found that a man can be rated more desirable when shown with an interested woman.
How can I show pre-selection if I'm single?
Build a social life that includes women friends, be at ease around women in groups, and avoid acting starved for attention. Pre-selection is as much about your relaxed behavior as about who you're standing next to.